Copenhagen, Denmark
I just woke up from a nightmare. Took a few gulps of water to calm myself down. As I lie down I can't sleep anymore. Myriads of thoughts flash through my mind. I look around to see if my son is sleeping and the way we sleep in our family bed tells the story of my life. A picture of the way we sleep tonight (and every night) is what it takes to explain the ties in our family. I sleep on the extreme left side of the bed made of single and a double bed joined together. The agents have been extremely generous to provide a large configuration of the bed in this posh new apartment that we moved into last year. Of course, the divides between the beds remain even after joining them, and that in a way is symbolic. I sleep on the left side single bed, my son in between and then my wife takes the larger bed in that order from me. Wifey is sleeping peacefully on the other side and our son hugs his mom. The two make a perfect picture. I try to reach out for my son, but the gap is too wide. I retrace my extended arm and give myself a hug and a drop of tear involuntarily makes its way out of the corner of my moist eyes. I do not fit into that picture, how much I want to be. Myriads of thoughts flashes in my head, they are clouded and I can hardly hold onto a single thought in my mind. My wife is breathing peacefully, unaware of my thoughts, unaware that I am crying 3 feet from her. My son is too innocent and uncomplicated yet to understand me and for many many years he will remain so.
I see you sleeping in my arms..., no, my hand to be precise, in a pub. I feel like caressing your face, the same feelings I had in the pub. I see you jump across puddles of water, one brick to the other, in a city street. I want to be as graceful in my movements. I see those lines in your hands and I try to read my name there, and a picture flashes through my mind... that of a journey into the unknown.
I do not know where this will take me, I will find it on the way. I only know that I have started on it, retraced a few steps that I had taken before, but today, I do not fear the unknown, not afraid of where life takes me.
I do not know where this will take me, I will find it on the way. I only know that I have started on it, retraced a few steps that I had taken before, but today, I do not fear the unknown, not afraid of where life takes me.
What is it about you that spoils me endlessly?
What is it about you that urges me relentlessly?
What is it about that I find so rejuvenating?
What is it about you that enlivens my hope and fills me up with emotions that I try to hide?
I do not know if it’s about you or is it me just trying to find my own self, trying to find an anchor. I have all my life been trying to connect to someone from my own innermost being. I have searched for that one woman for whom I could die and live for since I was 14. All these years of searching, falling, hoping and crying have bled my emotions dry.
However, you have that magic touch that floods me with emotions and desires that I thought had deserted me. In a life where I have crumbled emotionally, I see you as my only chance for survival.
Trying hard to face another day
No more left to give, nothing left to break
Melting in the sun, breathing in the day
Falling into love and climbing out again
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry
Reaching out beneath a sea of pain
Riding high on waves of hope again
Chipping as the stone face cracks away
Crying out again as my bones break
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry
Why is every minute like a year
What if we could save ourselves from this
Life is such a bitch and it gets worse
Fate is like a rope around your neck
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry - love has left me dry
What is it about you that urges me relentlessly?
What is it about that I find so rejuvenating?
What is it about you that enlivens my hope and fills me up with emotions that I try to hide?
I do not know if it’s about you or is it me just trying to find my own self, trying to find an anchor. I have all my life been trying to connect to someone from my own innermost being. I have searched for that one woman for whom I could die and live for since I was 14. All these years of searching, falling, hoping and crying have bled my emotions dry.
However, you have that magic touch that floods me with emotions and desires that I thought had deserted me. In a life where I have crumbled emotionally, I see you as my only chance for survival.
Trying hard to face another day
No more left to give, nothing left to break
Melting in the sun, breathing in the day
Falling into love and climbing out again
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry
Reaching out beneath a sea of pain
Riding high on waves of hope again
Chipping as the stone face cracks away
Crying out again as my bones break
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry
Why is every minute like a year
What if we could save ourselves from this
Life is such a bitch and it gets worse
Fate is like a rope around your neck
There's nowhere left to run
No more tears to cry
The river's running dry
There's no more left to give
Love has left me dry - love has left me dry
I have goose bumps all over me. I feel you everywhere around me. I have felt you every waking moment. I have been counting my moments, minutes, hours and days, thinking about a life that could have been, thinking about the life that has been. You are all around me, but I just can’t see you, I cant touch you. It’s been like the words from that song from Andhi ..."I have no grievances against a life without you, but life has not really been a life without you." I still derive my strength from the thoughts of those precious moments that I have shared with you. Thank you Princess, for being my strength, for being my hope. Though I might have failed to express it all these years (I have always been a failure with my expressions - not only with you, its true for all my relationships - my parents, sibling inclusive), I just want to say this once, that in these moments, the very little that I have shared with you, I have loved you more than anyone in my life, probably only second to my dad.
